Crisis of Conscience

I am having a day! It started last night. I went to bed and the second I lay down, I knew I was going to have an asthma/allergy attack. So I got up, took Rolaids and used my inhaler and lay back down. It's only a matter of time when I feel like that but I've learned to try to get a few hours sleep before they hit. I managed an hour. I then spent the next hour or so in the bathroom (sorry for the overshare, my allergy attacks usually manifest in a gastrointestinal fashion). The one downside to trying to sleep before such attacks is that I end up in a dreamlike state and can't quite shake the fog from my mind. So I spent one hour trying to decipher what I was thinking, why I was thinking it, and determine if it was 'real'.

When I went back to bed I had a dream. In my dream I kept trying to get to my PE/CIH/CSP professional certification exam (yes, I had to take all three at once!). It was only a 2 hour exam ('only' because you had only that long to cover a crap-load of material), and it was on the U's campus. I was at work, in my cafe, eating lunch and trying to figure out how I was going to get there by my appointed time of 12:30PM. Then, just as I had determined how, Hulk Hogan and Jessie Ventura entered the area. They were beginning an American Gladiators/WWE Smackdown spinoff and it was taking place in the cafeteria!! I was stuck. I missed my time, but managed to somehow get a new one assigned to me (2:30) and I was in the process of fighting my way to the test (now on campus in some woods?) when I awoke. Anxiety much?

My current crisis is this. I want to write. Yup - this second. I want to sit down and work on one of the two ideas swirling in my mind for novels. I have places to go on the one I've sent a few chapters out to certain people, and I have a starting point - I think, for the other one. The problem, I'm at work and it's just past lunchtime. After this blog, I'll have to go back to doing work things. This blog is writing, so it's satisfying some of the urge, but it's not what I wanted to write, so my Muse is still playing hopscotch in the back of my brain. The urge to write is so strong I feel it in my chest and it's hard to sit still. I have a meeting in 50 minutes, I have to prep for it, I don't have time for this to be interfering, but it's not going away.

The worst part - I don't think I'll have time to sit down and work on the writing until Sunday afternoon. Who knows if the Muse will be driving me then, or if I'll sit down and...nothing! Sometimes I hate having a day job. It's almost clockwork when I want to write, and it's always when I'm at work. Is it because I'm at work that I want to work on the writing, or is it just that the Muse speaks to me at that time of the day? I may have to do something drastic. I may have to see if I can start waking up early to write! (GASP!) My excersise (read team sports) tends to happen after work, and so does my relax/chill time, so those are probably not the best times to write - it's hard to find the foucs. I may have to start setting a bed time, setting an alarm, and writing in the morning the way some people work out. Maybe that will reduce this NEED I feel right now. Or perhaps, it would just make it worse.