Daydreaming about a different me

I should so be studying for my O-chem test right now, but I can't. I have too much on my mind. So, I'm listening to Michelle Branch, and blogging in the hopes that my mind will stop running circles around itself long enough for me to dredge up some interest in the studying I HAVE to do. And to think that I just voluntarily signed up for two more years of this.

Still, two years isn't all that long. I mean, I've been in Minnesota for four and half now. WOW. I knew I'd be here for 4-5 while finishing my bachelor's. I didn't really think much beyond that. I mean, I knew what I wanted, but what I wanted was always vague and fragmented. I wanted to travel and see the world. I wanted adventure, I want my own house, I want horses, a farm, breeding and training animals. I want 2.4 kids and 1.6 dogs (I'm not sure whatsomething with .4 kid and .6 dog is, but that's the engineer in me always making wholes.)

I'm a daydreamer. Always have been. In one day I may be back in 'yonder times' dreaming about a romance with some handsome royal personage, or I might be flying dragonback or having all sorts of special powers and saving the world. Sometimes I see myself as this great peacekeeper for the world, or I'm simply really good at whatever sport or game or hobby I'm dabbling in at the moment. The only constants in all my daydreaming is that I'm in charge, I'm the leader, and I get what I want. Even when I get what I want, I don't seem to get it without hardship in my daydreams. Even at their most imaginative, they are practical daydreams. *sigh* So as I get older, and I look forward to two more years of school, of daydreaming, and of staying in Minnestoa, I have to wonder what now? Who am I really? I know I'm Tricia, and I'm even beginning to fully apreciate who I am and what I can do. I know I'm getting a degree in Industrial Hygiene. What I don't know is how that fits in with the daydreams, with the other half of me that is just as important to me as breathing.

I couldn't be who I am without the daydreaming, the creative energy that is trying to break loose. What if I get stuck into a life where I'm in IH at some company, and I live in the same city for the next 50 odd years. Am I settling, or is that what's best for me? I can't let go of my will to travel, or my strong belief that SOMETHING is waiting to happen to me. Some great adventure, some great romance, some great change. Like all this is just preparation, or even just wasting time til I get to my real life, full of dragons and magick and me being in control.

Maybe this is just about control after all. In my daydreams, I'm always important, in control of the situation. The one with the friends in the right places, or who can help my fiends get to the right places. I have the power (80's animated show jokes, please.) I mean, something can't be set right yet, if I still wake up and ask, "Is this my life? Is this all? Where's the rest? When does that START!?!"

I could keep going rather at length, but I think I've rambled long enough for now. I'm going to go back to daydreaming, and hoping, and procrastinating over my O-chem test, because I just an not as excited about that as I could be. This doesn't mean I don't want to be in MPH in IH. It just means that I want MORE than that.