Man, do I feel stupid!!!

So, I have been climbing for a while now, and I try to achieve more and more eeach time I go there, climb just a little cleaner on this route, or actually make it up "that one" without having issues...and I thought I was ready. I thought, "hey, I can lead climb, I'm good enough now." I wondered if I had the stamina to do a long 5.9 climb...which is what you have to be able to do to take the lead test, but I figured...I'll blunder through. So, I warm up, I practice mock leading, EVERYONE in the gym knows I'm going to take this test, I'm ready, I know everything right?

WRONG!!!

I fucked it up. I felt so STUPID! I wasn't mad at the guy for failing me, I fucked up, but I can't believe I did it. I back clipped the first clip. What does this mean, you ask? It means I've done something I've never done before. It means I fail. It means, clipping the rope into the quickdraw backwards. It means stupid fucking mistake!

That was Wednesday. After feeling like a fool for abotu 30 min, I went back to climbing thinking I'd take the test on Friday. Yesterday, being friday, I went to do it again. At first, I just didn't want to. Then, I was ready to, but there was noone around to do it. Then someone could, but they got busy. I waited for about 3 hrs, and didn't even get to test. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, today is try number three, hopefully I get to test, hopefully I pass, and don't fuck up, cause the little butterflies are coming back with a vengence. I still don't know if I have the stamina to get tot he place on the route I need to. Well, here goes nothing, or something, I guess...